A Walk In The Park

When it comes to planning, really… no one  can beat God!

I say this with awe and gratitude because while all our work schedules have been laid out as we believed was for the best, it did not materialize as we planned, and it gave us a chance to be home for a approximately a month and a half!  Wow! Imagine, that long in one place! Whew! So, everything is moved to July and onwards! We did not lose anything, in fact, we were gifted by God with something that no amount of money can buy.

We were around to actually see our little grandson’s first baby steps! And not only that! We are still around to see how these baby steps are progressing to more baby steps, and eventually to a ‘run’ !

It may sound trite to some, but never overrated for people who can appreciate how taking the first steps can be a major event with a small guy like our grandson!

As the ads would call it — a KODAK moment…the exact moment we would like to capture to memory…regardless of how many grandchildren there may be. Each stride of every child is so special and while we may forget that moment in our old age, these young children can recall subconsciously how they have been affirmed in their first efforts towards accomplishing something on their own in life!

It was sheer joy to see the excitement in the face of our grandson as he tried to walk towards us. Each day brought new discoveries for him. He learned balance as he tried to stabilize himself while standing.  Then he discovered that holding on to the table or chair can help him stand longer, and if he is lucky, the chair move along with him, enabling him to reach places faster! After the chair, he learned that he can stand up on his own when he falls, not after he discovered to look in between his legs bent all the way realizing where his behind is! Until he rolled to the floor like a ball, he did not recognize that be part of balance.

A few days more and he could walk across the living room, shrieking and laughing with great excitement at his own accomplishment. The steps became more deliberate, and the direction more determined…and that of course, is to reach out to things in house that he is not supposed to get! Learning to walk and taking a ‘NO’ can be two conditions that would lead him to simply give you a blank look, while standing still, eyes wide and questioning… ever so cute that it takes a  lot of discipline not to just laugh and let him get away with murder!

Now he has learned to walk towards our door and knock. His mom could not keep up with him when he moves around.

He wraps his arms around my leg while  I wash plates  and he wants to be carried.  He gives us a “puppy look”, lower lips puckered and his big , wide eyes droopy, when he wants something. He hugs you like you are the most important person in the world, and that big, wide killer-of-a-smile would melt the fiercest man on earth!

Over the weekend, we went to a carnival in the park and he followed a band of  clowns playing their instruments around the place. He was so engrossed with them in their costumes, that he forgot that he had been walking steadily for a long while. After that, he fell fast asleep for hours. That was his first longest walk in his 13 month of life  on this world! What an accomplishment.

It is a real joy and a gift to be present in moments as these. It draws a lot of wonder and awe in the way we all start our lives.  We believe that by being there for his first steps, we have given our grandson the confidence to take many more steps in his life towards finding the true meaning of his being here in this world!

Walking in the park one fine and breezy afternoon, together with our eight year-old granddaughter and 13-month old grandson, I came to realize what a beautiful gift it is  to be alive to experience the moment. To have the chance to experience grandparenting, enjoy the beauty of nature at its spring best, is a privilege that many of us have dreamed of.

It is not  that strolling in a public park with children is such a rare occurence in many parts of the world.  It is just that most of the time the moment passes and one does not recognize it, and it becomes one of  ‘those tasks that are cumbersome and a chore” that has to be done to help their parents (our children) maintain their sanity, or manage worklife simultaneous to building a family.

Sometimes we expect these moments (i.e. the bliss of grand parenting, or simply being alive)  to happen in our own terms, in our own time, as if there is picture-perfect moment when one can say ‘ wow, now I am ready .. let them come…let it happen..now”

I have talked to a number of parents of the boomer generation, like us, who are in great anticipation to have grandchildren. Yet, circumstances often do not present that possibility they expect. The marrying age of boys have gone up…and ladies are more focused on career than building a family.

On the other hand, many parents of our generation can be caught ‘flat-footed’, so to speak , when their children decide to become parents themselves, but in the process, need to rely heavily on them.

There is no perfect time — only  a perfect response to whatever comes our way.

***

Picking daisies on the side road,  I see a lot of  myself  in our granddaughter.As she skipped and hopped clutching daisies and buttercups,  I shared with her my own story of how I was  accidentally left behind by my aunt , as I picked flowers( just like her)  on the sidewalk while waiting for a bus.  We  had a good laugh over my story  as we continued to stop at whatever fascinated us, whether plants or living creatures. It felt good to share this moment with someone whom I know would remember it long after I am gone. No doubt she will remember that afternoon, as I know I would –(given my faculties intact!)

I know  that the experiences I have shared with our granddaughter would be something that she would inevitably carry with her through life, in the same manner, perhaps, that I see our daughter picking up after many things that my own mom shared with her in her young age.

Among the many things that I shared with our granddaughter is the love for nature. Before she could even walk, I would bring her to our lavender patch and let her smell the lavender in full bloom. By the time she could walk, she would walk towards that same patch and enjoy the fragrance it brings! She remembered!  I took time to tell her about the trees, the plants and their names and how to water and care for them. Every spring, she and I have vegetables and flowers to plant from seeds. We loved seeing the plants grow. And I loved watching her grow up to be such a sweet, refreshing girl to my own heart!

It is amazing how seemingly small moments can give a feeling of being loved, this time, by family. I remember one fond memory I have of my grandmother was when she made me a pair of shorts and a blouse in one afternoon, one summer time when my parents left me with her. I felt so special because I know she had not sewn for as long as I could remember.  But she did a really good job and I wore those shorts and blouse until I outgrew them! All for the memories.

I remember how I would wait for grand ma at the gate of their house because I know that coming from weekly marketing, she would buy me my favorite snacks… it just made me feel loved!

To see  my granddaughter so excited  has as we dig through the soil and discover insects, earthworms, and such; planting and growing things, singing, playing music, drawing, sewing and crafting clay— makes me feel that I am not leaving this world without a legacy. To pass on love for nature is to share with her an experience than brings real joy — nothing that can be bought or given.  I know that in the future, she would already have a way to release her stress!

She is not afraid of  crawly things because I introduced these to her as creatures of God and friends of man. I know a lot of adults who would squirm at the sight of an earthworm, but not my girl! When stranded on the pavement, she would gently bring it back to safety in the bushes. Such alignment with nature can give her the ability to recognize that differences in appearance does not mean something is of less value in life. Each has a purpose for being and if we can see that, then we can learn to respect others.

Give her a piece of paper and a pencil and she can write a story (with illustrations to go) and create. Her creativity and resourcefulness can enable her to always have hope in her life, knowing that possibilities are endless when one is open to various perspectives.

The future of young people of today will definitely follow a different template from ours. In fact, there are no footprints that they can follow from us, in many aspects. Although, having said that , the best footprints that we can leave for them are the  memories of how they are loved and valued; of how we accept them for who they truly are, and to enable them to discover when they are capable of becoming.  These are what they need to be equipped in facing the future.

Memories do not have to be big accomplishments or expensive trade offs — it is simply to be truly present in the moment that matters to them most.

Every moment of our lives, we go through experiences, but unless we become emotionally anchored to them, ( getting a sense of joy, pain, anger, or love, etc) we do not learn from these experiences and they do not add to our personal growth and eventually, gain wisdom from it.

For young children, every opportunity is a learning experience potential… depending on how we take the time to present it to their reality.

On this beautiful, warm spring afternoon, I felt bliss and I savoured the moment of fulfillment. God is really great!

The most  scary part of  ‘letting go’ is the sense of ‘losing that which is vital to one’s existence” -  when survival is threatened, it is man’s nature of preserve himself at all costs.  However, what the unconscious does not realize many times, is that it is in letting go of one’s previous experience, that new positive benefits can be attained.

The most powerful logic in counseling that  helps people is when they begin to  recognize that ‘unless one finds something better to do, he/she will keep on doing the same thing over and over”.  Put in another way — for as long as there is a positive benefitthat we get out of a negative behaviour we may want to change, we will not be successful in making a change until we can find another activity that can give more satisfaction  (more benefits) to replace the old habit . An example is: smoking. Barring  laser treatment, or whatever un-natural way of eliminating smoking as a habit, a smoker will (not “cannot”) not quit until he discovers what he really likes about smoking, and then find another activity that could replace that smoking wherein he gets equal or more pleasure, so that in doing so, he can simply abandon smoking as a habit.

Without dwelling into technical details of the process, the point in focus here is the common dilemma of baby-boomers with regards to ‘letting go’.

Until the baby-boomer finds something more meaningful to do in life, giving up working, or, letting go of a habit, would be most difficult and painful, if at all possible.

Lately, we have been working with a lot of baby boomers who find themselves under pressure – I would say, self-imposed pressure. It is all about this choice between continuing on with their so-called ‘career’, or moving on to retirement.

The transition from active work life to a ‘walk in the park’ lifestyle, tend to be more difficult for people who have been in high managerial positions most of their work life. First, having the capacity and power to make multi-million dollar decisions, and living a lifestyle of ease and luxury, can make one so attached to forget that these are only perks for those who are competing in the rat race.

Secondly, if, for the past 20-30 years, one has been so used to delivering RESULTS, it just feels so wrong when a day passes, and nothing is measured, or acknowledged as a product of one’s capability.

The higher they fly, the harder they fall.

I have observed that there are two general types of baby boomers – and, indulge me, this time for using the male gender as my subject of observation.

First, there are those who are high achievers. At around 45-55 years of age, they start looking back at what they have achieved in life. For those who have a lot of laurels, they tend to believe that they are still as marketable as the fresh, young graduates.   They bank on their experience, and oftentimes, end up overachieving, resulting to conflict and frustration with themselves, as well as frustrating the people around them.

They cannot let go. Many times it ends in leaving the worklife on a sour note. Then depression sets in. The feeling of useless-ness. Feeling of being unwanted. Feeling betrayed after so many years of service,  and so on , and so forth. They feel displaced.

It is no different at home. The wife has her own life – been so used to be without him, since, for the past 20-30 years, he was hardly home, anyway. He cannot be meddling with the household and boss her around.  No way!

Here was once a very powerful person – capable in every way. If things do not change its pattern, the meaninglessness can result to either illness, or continued withdrawal from participation in life. If the person is into drinking, it can become most pronounced.

When I am drunk, the world looks really good…and I want it to always look good…

On the other side, there are those persons who are underachievers.  Chances are, they did not pursue higher studies, maybe dabbled in entrepreneurial endeavours or so, and prodded on with minimal subsistence, relying on family for support in whatever way possible. Over time, as these people age, they have no accomplishments they can call their own, no physical assets to lay claim to, – they are just like ‘free spirits’ that live on a day-to-day existence.. When they get to their 45-55 years of age, they look back at their lives, and if they have the least insight left, they would realize how much they have wasted their lives, and feel remorse…and believing that it is too late for change, they may take their hopelessness to the bottle ( their ‘free spirit”)and find solace in being out of consciousness for the most time in their future.

It is interesting how the paths of these two personalities can intersect and eventually end up with the same sad ending… one of hopelessness.

The good news is:  there can always be a new and bright tomorrow for anyone who is willing to explore… for the ones who want to really live a LIFE!

Let go and open a new chapter in your life!

With over 40 years of experience behind you,  this is a great chance to discover, explore, and enjoy what you missed out on.

You will find that the positive benefits you can get from opening your door to new opportunities, is far more exciting and meaningful than that which you tried to cling on to, in the past. What you had in the past had its role to play in your life.

The present is  now your chance to fully experience what it means to be alive.

This is a blog for us, baby-boomers, and for those who are interested to understand people of this generation.

At this stage in our lives, we should already be able to spend time doing things that we enjoy  doing, such as … taking a walk in the park, watching the sunset and take our own sweet time engaging in activities that we like, but did not have time for during our working life.

Yet, many baby boomers seem to find the transition from being active at work and taking the back seat such a difficult, if not a dreaded time in their lives.

I believe that this is the right time to gracefully start moving from keeping ourselves focused on the process of ‘becoming’ rather than providing ‘results’ or measurable outcomes.

For women who are in the latter phase of the baby boomers generation, this stage may still pose a lot of challenges and difficulties. Physiologically, for some, this may be the onset of menopause, hormonal imbalance, and other related changes in the system.

To complicate things further,  partly because of the physiological imbalance, it is not uncommon for men and women, to start looking back at their lives and assessing how it has been,  and imagining what it could have been. Somewhere between those hot flushes and mood swings come a harsh self audit which usually ends up in depression.

Why can’t I control my anger? Why do I get so impatient? I cannot understand myself and I know that my family notices the change in me. I am scared to even look at myself in the mirror!

What is happening to me?

In my observation, many women who do not recognize the signs of the changing emotional and physiological terrain of their own system, are the ones most confused and scared.

It is like being in the dark, groping for something to hold on to; hoping to hear a familiar voice that can lead to the light.

This blog aims to share experiences of baby boomers who at this point in life deserve to have the time to gracefully  complete the circle of their lives with the most enriching and fulfilling moments possible.

It aims to give hope to people who may be at the crossroad of their lives, or are in the process of transition.

From my regular encounter with various people from almost every walk of life, of almost every age, I find a tremendous source of insights for learning about life, and in particular, about the trials and tribulations of people of our generation – the baby boomers.

Realizing that we are not alone in our struggles with our quest for that which we could consider as ‘success’ according to our own definition, appreciating our changing moods and body shapes, and taming our roller coaster moods as we deal with menopause (including men), there is a lot going on to give comfort to those who are in the dark about these phenomenon called ‘maturation’ — in order words, ‘aging gracefully’.

Contrary to what some people say, this ‘boomer-age’ has a lot to offer for those who are willing to change their mindset, and live for the present– rather than dwell on the past. We become a ‘has-been’ when we cannot create a new future and enjoy the present moment.

So. come on and take the challenge.  Stop mulling over your aching backs and knees. Focus on those parts of you that still work — and thank God for it.

The other morning, I received the most unexpected call that practically made my day. One of the classmates in high school somehow got hold of my number and sounded so enthused about having tracked me down! The best part of this is,  that I, too have been trying to find out what has become of this friend of mine.

Her objective of tracking me down was to invite me to a high school class reunion for our classmates living out here in the North America.  Unfortunately, the reunion date coincided with the wedding of our son, which makes it impossible for me to come.

But, of course that issue became more of an aside, when we started talking bout the yesteryears. It is really amazing how we so naturally drifted off to memory lane, totally oblivious to time and to those around us.Truth be told, if my cellphone did not go low on battery, we probably would still be talking an hour longer than we did!

Shifting back and forth from the present to the past and getting stuck with intriguing and juicy details at some parts, it was so hard to compress into such a short time what we have missed for 30 or so years!

The baby boomers are connecting! This is now the time to start completing the circle of life. For the good and the bad times, we recalled how we journeyed through our teenage years, moved on our separate ways in university, and finally made it through life to where we all are now. Wow, that is indeed, as the song goes, “a long and winding road”.  And now, here we are laughing away the past like it were some comedy of errors, young as we were, trying to prove our worth to the world, and to the people we would like to impress!

So there are stories of those who ‘made it’ and those who didn’t. Some have big families, others have remained solitary, others continued to be somewhere in between.  There are sad stories of  divorce, separations, and of the course, the inevitable… passing on.

It is amazing to hear the life stories of our classmates, even in those brief moments of our conversation. I believe that it is mostly because in my mind the picture that I still recall of them would be how they looked like at the peak of their youth.  My mind cannot seem to run fast forward to the many years that have gone  where each one of us have grown older, gone through  some much challenges and difficulties, as well as gained wisdom over the many experiences that life has brought before us.

My classmate’s good sense of humour always brought the lighter side of life.  ‘Gosh, I have gained so much weight, you might not recognize me! My ‘love handles’ are practically oozing on the side..” We would burst out laughing, enjoying the fact that at this age,  we can laugh off what we used to worry our hearts out, such as gaining weight or getting an unsightly rash or an acne just before party.

We would compare the ages and gender of our children, and for some of us, our grandchildren. Then all of a sudden, as if waking up from a long sleep, we find ourselves wondering how we have reached where we are now.

We made it! We made it to the future that we have all wondered before. As a quote goes : ” today is the tomorrow we were worried about yesterday”.

In high school, as adolescents,  our world revolved around being recognized and accepted.  How our friends see us, is most important to us. Our parents were the “worst” advisors, and so we keep away from letting them know what is going on with our lives, lest we get grounded for life.

Now, decades after those years of growing up, we have seen it in our own kids, have improved on what we believed our parents’  shortcomings and excesses. We created an impact on the world as the generation that worked so much and put so much concern about providing for the future of our family.

We made it! Of course, there have been ‘trade-offs’, some more lasting than others. But nonetheless, we did our best and gave life our best shot.

But I am pretty sure none of us ever imagined that the life we have now would be the life we imagined it to be.

As my friend and I reminisced, we wondered about the rest of our classmates.

There were those we never heard from, again. Some,( like this friend of mine),   strive to keep the connection after all the years, going through great lengths to find each one. Of course, there are those who simply do not want to be found.

Whether we find each other again, or not, I believe that we remain connected in spirit, for once we were part of each other.

This baby boomer is happy to be alive and grateful for everything.

Thank you, dear friend for the memories… and we are on to build new ones after finding each other after a long, long time.

In many ways, it feels great to be part of the biggest wave of generation to reach the prime of life with so much action and  impact on the world!

I am a baby boomer and I realized that there is so much to talk about and share about this generation  – because of our big number, it is really a smart move to get to know how to deal with boomers, whether it’s a colleague, a parent, a neighbor, or a spouse, etc.

With a bit of drama, I’d say this is the dawning of the age of new realities, second chances, new mindset, alongside the speed of change brought about by technology.

What generation would have the privilege of listening to the music of our time in most places, even on the radio! That is mainly because the  DJs themselves are boomers! What generation can be so nostalgic as to revive the ballroom dances, the reggae, and rock and roll? What a great time to live!

There is always so much to look forward to… it is a chance to walk in the park and enjoy the roses! (not, if you are allergic to roses). The point is, at this age, after the endless hours of work decades back, it is the time to sit back and relax!! Or is it not?

I thought I would put up this blog for us, boomers –as an  avenue to share, and even probably find the common concerns, interests, as well as apprehensions some of us may have , ranging from  all the changes happening physically, emotionally (you know, the M’s!(midlife crisis, menopause and the perks that go with it !) to seeking meaning in our lives, in relation the significant people in our lives, and ultimately, with our Creator.

I believe that what makes boomers so special and different from other generations, (aside from the number) is that this is the generation that worked, and worked, and worked, for hours on end, to provide for the family, and aspire for all the dream vacations,that they never took, bought beautiful houses, which they hardly enjoyed, because “I owe, I owe, so off to work I go.”.. and this went on for years, until finally, retirement comes…

Baby boomers are an active bunch … or at least those that I know are. With today’s technology, boomers who have grandchildren don’t look like the grand parents we had during our time! A boomer has style! And retirement  has changed its looks when the boomers came.

Well, actually, there is the good news and the bad news. Many boomers can also deceive themselves to be believe that they are still ‘spring chickens’ that can limbo and twist, or should I say do the techno and the hiphop without requiring an ibuprofen before bedtime.

That is just the beginning. What about boomers who would spend their hard earned pensions for ‘tuck-ins” (tummy tuck).  The proliferation of beauty products, spa, cosmetic treatments, and the whole works, in an attempt  to find the elusive fountain of youth, is a clear indication of the impact that boomers have on the economy.

For many of us, this  is the time to be able to do the things that we never got the chance to do when we were younger, –because there was no money to spend, and there was work to do. Besides, we had so many ‘no-nos’ which kept us from taking risks.

This is the time to be walking in the park,  watching the sunset, or strolling around the quiet neighborhood.